I was walking along the sea very early in the morning thinking about the past week. I was fourteen years old, a rare combination of a free spirit and a studious perfectionist, and for the first time in my life I was in love, really head over heels in love. I was feeling totally lost and did not know how to handle the unfamiliar mixture of happiness and bitter disappointment, as a couple of days before I found out that my love was not reciprocated. I cried, and I cried, and I couldn’t help thinking that my life was over. As I was dragging my feet along the beach staring at multi-colored pebbles, I suddenly realized that there was nothing around me anymore. Everything was hidden under a thick fluffy blanket. Fog. I looked towards the sea and gasped… there was a ship floating in the air.
Being in love is that feeling of floating in the air. Are you flowing with the wind back and forth, or spreading your wings and flying to the skies, or slowly twirling down like a dry leaf? How do you choose your ideal partner? How do you know what kind of relationship you are really ready to have?
Many single people desperately wish to have a partner, and in the pursuit of an ideal relationship, they often end up with a partner that is far from being their soulmate, or they keep changing partners unsure of themselves and overwhelmed with emotions, or they never go out there scared of getting hurt yet again. Sounds familiar? In many cases, this happens because people do not know what they really desire from a relationship, they cannot describe the partner they wish to have, or what they stand for in life, and this lack of awareness leads to undesirable results.
Let’s explore this in more detail.
Step 1. Go back to your core.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson eloquently put it, “What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Let’s go back to the core. Ourselves. We need to know what we are and where we wish to be before we jump off the train. What are our values and beliefs? What are our dreams and goals in life? When and how do we choose to be happy and fulfilled? What do we like or dislike? What are we good at or not especially interested in? We are fascinating! Dedicate some time to your beautiful self and explore. You will find a big chest full of treasures and maybe some bits and pieces of dust waiting to be vacuum-cleaned!
Step 2. Choose your ideal
We are 100% responsible for what we create and choose in our life. Quite often we focus on what we do not want to have rather than what we want to have in life, and as we know, what we focus on is what we eventually get. Have you ever written down in detail what kind of a partner you would like to have in life? If not, let’s do this powerful exercise right now. The instructions are very simple: write down a full description of your ideal partner, starting with the height and the weight, the colour of their eyes and the size and shape of their nose (you get the idea of the level of detail that is required) and finishing with a full list of character traits, values and beliefs that your ideal partner will possess. Please remember to focus on what you want to see or feel in them, rather than what you do not to see or feel in them: i.e. “I want my ideal partner to be healthy and addiction-free” rather than “I want my ideal partner not to be a drug-addict”. Let me share a little secret with you: your unconscious mind does not process the negative particle not, so when you focus on “not to be a drug addict”, your unconscious mind hears “to be a drug addict”, and will program something very different to what you are wishing for. Does this explain some of your past results? Now, let’s focus on the very best for us! When you can language it, you can have it. Ready? Go!
Step 3. Great expectations…
Once you have spent some valuable time thinking about you and your ideal partner, it is time to gain some clarity on your expectations from a relationship. The following questions will guide you:
- For what purpose do I wish to have a relationship?
- What am I willing to sacrifice for my ideal relationship?
- What do I expect from my partner in the relationship? Are my expectations too low or, on the contrary, unachievable? What are my benchmarks?
Feeling in love with another person uncovers intimate dreams, aspirations, precious talents and qualities that you never knew existed. What is it that you are willing to bring into your relationship?
Step 4. Attraction fatale…
Now, let’s explore your past attraction strategies, and by strategies I mean everything, from your physical appearance, gestures and smells, to the topics of conversation you would use to seduce your ideal partner – everything! Have you got the results that you expected? What worked and what didn’t? If some of your current strategies are not working, the questions below will help you discover some gold:
- What do I need to change in myself to attract the relationship I want?
- What is preventing me from exploring better strategies?
- What kind of help and support could I get from professionals, my loved ones, and specific literature?
- What is the first little step that I can take right now towards improving my attraction strategy?
- When will I take this first step?
Congratulations! Having awareness is 90% of the victory. You are on the right path that will lead you towards the results you desire. Come on, make that first step!
And as stepped forward towards the ghostly ship, not knowing whether to scream, run or marvel at the fairytale I found myself in, I realized that there was nobody else on the planet at that moment, only me and that ship. The time stopped. It was magical.
As the fog was thinning out and I saw the ship perfectly floating on the sea, and the separation between the sea and the sky was now very obvious, it then struck me that I did not know anything about the guy I was in love with. I was in love with the idea, the mystery, or the ship floating in the fog. And it was okay! My life was ahead of me! The sun was sending its playful morning rays to the Earth, illuminating a big toothy smile on my face.